hikari*

Wednesday, October 31, 2007Y

Scientists, the funny species

As I struggle to retain the heart to study Crop Science now, it is rather a contradict for me to post something like this. But the truth is, I would have regretted had I not enrolled into Science. The image normally projected into people's mind at the mention of scientists, do not really do justice as science actually takes a lot of creativity and out of the world ideas!

In fact some of the genes in the world has the cutest names! Lemme give you a few NICE examples and for your information, gene names have to be in italics!

For Arabidopsis thaliana (plant)

SUPERMAN - A plant gene that regulates the development of stamens (male reproductive part) where it causes the growth of MORE stamens when mutated! So it is the male-ifying factor, or macho-inducing factor!

kryptonite - A gene that suppresses the function of SUPERMAN so the plant is less macho.

Clark Kent - Another form of the SUPERMAN gene differing only in terms of the more whimpish stamens produced. So, it is macho but not till the super level.

For Drosophila melanogaster (fruit fly and almost-Lowena)

tinman - The mutated version of this gene causes flies to have no hearts just like the TinMan in The Wizard of Oz!

ken and barbie - Respective, both male and female flies lack external reproductive organs and why is it called Ken and Barbie? This doesnt really take a rocket scientist to explain, seriously.

daeh - Mutation of this gene causes the involution of the head! How poor of the fly rite? And why is it called daeh? Try "involuting" this word out!

cheap date - Mutation in this gene causes flies to be sensitive to no other than alcohol. And i tot they would be sensitive towards diamonds...phew.

For Homo sapiens (Humans, and you as well?)

pokemon - Abbreviation for POK Erythroid Myeloid Ontogenic factor. It is an oncogene. Which means mutation in it, causes cancer. And apparently, it is a master switch in cancer induction. Not so cute anymore ne?

Tigger - A transposable element or jumping gene!

**Gene names all taken from the Clever Gene Name Site.(http://tinman.vetmed.helsinki.fi/eng/intro.html)

So you see, scientists are actually very humorous people! Behind those glasses are a pair of funny eyes and inside that cranium is a funny brain.

indulged at 1:52 PM

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Saturday, October 27, 2007Y

Dream a nite

This is a happy news to all who likes me, which I assume to be the 133,458,990 of you out there as I did well for the L'Oreal Competition and thanks to the nice people from L'Oreal and the cool crew from MYC Magazine, they gave me the chance for a taste of victory on that blissful night itself. It was really, erm literally a dream I must say as I was not quite conscious for the whole of the process. However, I do remember grinning, and people hugging me, a certain someone kssing me. . . .

I will need to clear my head.

So first of all I must thank a group of very important people who without any one of them, the show would be a No-Show and I would be a total walking Cow-Show.

First of all will be my art director and technical instructor Mr Tshun, for:

- teaching me how to colour nicely and criticizing MILDLY when I failed. (remember the perfect two tone ribbon?)

- thinking of all sorts of tricks to create dimension and texture for the otherwise bla clothes.

- degrading my original *powerpoint* presentation slide so badly that I felt like crying an ocean. But nice enough to make me a canggih one~!

- Eating more pizza than me during our overtime days so that I din look like a sausage on that nite.

- Being there from start till the very end despite all the mockings.

Then there is my Personal Assistant, Ms SeeYeng, for:

- Being there all the time 24/7 to answer my calls!

- Preparing all the materials for us to work on.

- Being our stapler, adhesive tapes, ribbons, paper, colour-machine.

Thanks to all hot hot hot models for making the night one to remember!

- ShinYee, for being so initiative and ever so glamorously rocking during the show. Salute your guitar stunt, now I believe u have strong arms!

- Donna, for taking this risk for me which is so touching and believe me, you have every look for the runway. Love your cheekbones but hate ur height in photos with me. Thanks for the beautiful hair settings!

- SiauMan, for being so helpful all the time in all sorts of things and getting that attitude out there to electrocute all males in that room. You were amazing and you shall always be so to me!

- Nyuk, for all the ideas, advises, experience and help in making the show a success! And for risking a fall for me, which I am so uneasy about! But truth to be told, u rocked~ Thanks for the make up ideas as well!

- Jing, for the cuteness, spontaneity, fun and humour u brought! U couldnt have been better! And no worries, for the un-gentlemen shall be punished! You were awesome!

Now to thank our Miss Choreographer and Music Executive, Ms Liew Ka Ling for:

- all your wacky ideas to play with props during the walk!

- the great edit done on the music, it was steaming hot~

- the time you took to choreograph the walk with me and devise me such a cute finale!

I must also thank Mr YipiLai, for coming all the way just to help us capture the moments BEAUTIFULLY and ARTISTICALLY. And we were vain, but I hope u enjoyed it. Lastly, your pictures were amazing enuff jus from the camera display!

Thanks to Ms Tam Lai Tinn as well, our Miss TAM! For helping me here n there, showing up so early and for the lovely flowers! Oh dear, so nice of u. *ahem ahem*

Then there is Miss PangKangNing, Mr KangWei and LeeChia for being so supportive~ Being there all night despite me being able to come n see u once in a while only. It must be tough missing me. LeeChia altho u din make it, I still love u a bit. Like, 1.3% now la! Ok?

After all the thanking, of cos I must take the hoardes of supporters out there!! But I shall do this shout out later!

Since I have not gotten all the pictures of that nite yet, I shall show u the materials that we made for the nite itself first! It took us quite a long time, but like Tshun said, it was worth it. Or maybe he wanted to say "Because u're worth it" to me! Oh no...

This here was worn by Nyuk! The silver stuffs were made from self-cut silver paper residue (to which Tshun asked, "U wanna slowly stick all those? I see how long u can last." I survived) since sequins were too expensive! Then we pulled yellow ribbons along the pants. And the strings of beads, are magical beads! We realized and are about to publish this in journals, that the beads actually gravitate away from human hands! Cool eh!

This here was worn by ShinYee. It was actually inspired by Peter Petrelli. Dun say 'irrelelvant(!)' before u listen to the full story. Peter is my hero. And heroes usually wear capes. But Peter is too cool for capes which must be complemented with underwear worn on the outside. So this is a modern cape for a hero. As for ShinYee, she was the Guitar Heroine~!

This was for Donna and believe me, it was riding high and her legs were mile long. As in MILE. The ribbon at the back was actually given its shape by inserting wires under the paper! And the yellow part are from some lace-y paper we found in some stores! I wanted to make this look like a flower bud. And Donna held a small lily. . . . demure . . .

This is again worn by ShinYee! The silver part was made from the same silver paper as mentioned before and the buttons were actually little butterflies~ Not obvious but can u feeel my eye for details? And with a pair of sunnies, it was cool!

This was worn by SiauMan. Wanted to give it a very exaggerated ribbon using real ribbon material but failed to find the fabric we wanted! So we made it the same way we made the last ribbon! Wires! The pattern in the front was sewn using real thread! And I was ridiculed real badly when trying to put the thread into the needle hole! Wat went onstage along with this dress? My cute Teddy!

This was made for Jing as I made it petite-sized! The nice blue sheen of couse is courtesy of Tshun! And those are white-folds of paper in front which was taped together uglily at the back of the paper. We added hints of gold thread which was extremely hard to put into the needle hole. And the buttons are taken from a jacket of mine. Can u see that one of the buttons is bigger than the other? Not obvious rite? Told u so, Tshun! Wanted to let Jing go onstage with boots while wearing this, but due to VERY LIMITED TIME, my boots were abandoned again.

This was the last piece made and it was for Donna. She looked cute wearing this cos her height was amazing for it. And the flare near the end of the coat was made by sticking individual paper strips while the button at the back of the dress. Hm,...was ripped from a hairclip of mine! By Tshun. U owe me one hair clip. I dun care. The props? A nice bag and a few stunts with something as simple as a compact powder.

This was used as the opening act and was worn by SiauMan. The skirt was really wide and the black lace is actually stapled, stuck with layers and layers of double sided tape! On the lace, we sewed on small pink pearls, ripped off a keychain of mine which was given to me by ChewBee (I forgot to tell u this, QB! Sorry!). And then we added glitter onto the dress! It was really cute when matched with SiauMan's skin colour! And the prop? A very mysterious mask. . .

This cute number is for Jing, the petite one again! The whole thing was coloured on as the lower part was too hard to make. The 3D effect of course is Tshun's work! And the glitter was me and See Yeng's HARD work! Jing played with a small fairy rod in this!

There is another piece which resembled a white tube with blue ribbons! The hardest one to put on which was perfected by Nyuk! Had she not tot of holding it with her hands in an unobvious way, it would seem so awkward. But it was great!

This is the small fairy rod we bought and modified! I was made a fool by making a very ugly silver coil and it gave chance for Mr Tshun to show off. But the white paper behind the heart? My sole effort ok!

One of my pride n joy~ the mask used for the opening green dress. This was made from scratch really. I made the mask itself. The base was some sort of really hard and expensive paper. The lace material was extracted from a hairband while the shiny stones are those meant for phones! The black lace behind the feathers are from the same material as the dress. . . . . ok, I will mention the rod la. Tshun made it ok. He banned the original antique looking one I made. Then he coiled another wire to cover mt original antique looking one and added a small gem from the same keychain where the small pearls for the dress were taken, at the end. Smart la.

But wait! There is still another cute star in the show! This Teddy of mine! I was taken out by SiauMan when she wore the white dress. Matching the theme of this blog, during the walk, she treated it badly!

The whole nite was fun, backstage was a total confusion, there were a few small accidents but the overall result: a very memorable and happy night.

In fact, it is so touching to receive all your congratulatory messages today!

To Uncle Tan, Mum, Dad, Sis, all relatives, Amy, WenJi, Shirley, PKN, KangWei, LeeChia, Melissa, Alice, Iris, Wai Leong, JeaHau, Tshun, Steve, See Yeng, Amanda, Cheryl, Su-ee, QB, Jennifer, Emma, Elaine, Tam, and so many more of u.

Thanks again for everything, everyone of u.

indulged at 11:31 PM

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Friday, October 26, 2007Y

What I have

A lot of times the most important things are the:

- least defined
- most abstract
- easiest and fastest to lose
- most fragile

But you know these things are important still as they:

- make pain linger long
- bring gloominess
- induce helplessness
- sets a rock in your heart

Yes, most often than not, we lose these important somethings despite knowing that it is on the brink of gone forever. Why? Selfishness. Pride. Stubbornnes. Belief. Denial. Principles. Doubts. Cruelty. Impulse. Laziness. Ignorance.

I can't deny not having lost anything importnat due to a few of those there. Afterall, people have commented me on being stubborn at times. For standing by my own beliefs too much. But there are some others who labelled me a pushover. For always being unofficially and assumingly nominated for all sorts of tasks.

From an optimistic view, it is good as it shows that I am responsible enough to be relied on.
And now I shall build my personality upon this optimistic view instead of looking at this from another perspective.

Somehow, in this instance, nothing matters anymore. For this transient moment now, as I write all of these here, I feel like I have ejected everything out from my body. All negativities. What remains, is purely me and tranquility. As I allow myself to feel empty now, I feel at peace.

Everyone struggles in life. It is as if we are beating off a persistent lethal bug as we live through the days. And in these busy days, where time is hardly enough for each of us to fend for ourselves, happiness are always too transient to be enjoyed and these transient moments often too weak as an energy for the coming days. And then, we realize how we often turn to memories in hopes of scraping out a tiny piece or two of happy moments.

While it is a shame that happy moments never last long, I wonder if these moments will be as treasured if they were to persist. After all, as humans, we are infamous for wasting away precious things granted to us. Maybe that is why, we are never allowed to be too happy for too long. A blessing in disguise, I see it as.

Rite now, after a series of unfortunate events, as I sit in this quiet room, I wonder what connects me to the people around me. How strong it is. To who. Where it will lead me. And most importantly, what will become of me shall these ties be cut.

Does it mean I will become a nobody? If I am to have no one who knows me in this world, i wonder if having a name matters.

I realize, the bonds between humans are too remarkable for words. First of all, distance. While distant bonds can fade over time, there are some which grow from strength to strength. The faded ones are always regretted but in the end, it doesn't heal if no efforts were made from both parties. However, bonds with people near to you are not exactly strong. Convenience is a nasty element. With it, you take things for granted, including this bond, which shall all disappear just before your eyes, sooner or later.

Secondly, commitment. Commitment builds bonds, like how sunlight allows flowers to bloom. Without commitment, everything wilts. These are jut two of the factors which I think are the most important towards human bonds be it, within a family, among friends, between lovers. We just grew too busy to bother about these so important stuffs, somehow.

And for other more worldly matters, we shall continue neglecting them.

For now, I am a bit gloomy. But I made it clear to enjoy all moments in life, and so I shall try liviing up to it. Sometimes, one cannot do too much when things are already out of his or her own control. Hold onto your own beliefs and follow your heart. Outdated, but true to life all the while.

indulged at 3:04 AM

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Thursday, October 25, 2007Y

Sunshine

It is always uplifting to know that there is someone whose voice can make u breakdown and let tears clear your mind. This statement might be a bit too optimistics but seriously, I think so!

At least,
there is someone u can trust and show your true colours to;
u are capable of letting go and accepting through tears;
in the end things will be alright and u are smiling again.

It is funny how small things can breakdown even a gigantic man. Emotions are crappy friends to have since they influence u too much in the brain and more in the heart. In the end, you are left feeling insecure and ashamed of ur own weakness. But then again, it is not a weakness to cry rite? Instead, be happy cos, u r definitely human inside (if in case u barely look like one outside).

And now I shall cry with the 13 lecture notes beside me, a head full of mess, L'Oreal Competition tomorrow, Physio exam tomorrow and all sorts of stuffs going on! Tough, but I will survive through them.

I can't wait to tell Aim how great that nite was! Lemme rephrase that. *Cough* I cant wait to boast to Aim how great that nite was.

To reunite with my Sunshine Gal again and WALK and practice Flexibility.

Be immersed in lame jokes by SiewChin.

Laugh at Kampung Oli and so much more.

Remember our spontaneous BBQ? And impulse McD trips? ....All food, but oh well!

I miss everyone of you here and cant wait to see all of u end of this year! We shall conquer further than St. Kilda this time! And do some other stuffs other than eating.

Although there are things, which I wish to erase or to ignore, most often than not, I find it hard or impossible. Maybe this is something I should change.

Stop being such a worrywart.
Stop the obsession for confirmations or plans.
Stop beating myself all over for nothing.
Be tough and stand still.
Be pretty.

Okay the last one was quite irrelevant n unnecessary. Cos I ady have it. No?

Who said no!

In the end, nothing matters more than making every minute of ur own life worthwhile. And I shall think nothing other than this. I am having fun in my life. Things are great. What is a road trip without a few road blocks? Too smooth a trip.

indulged at 3:16 AM

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Tuesday, October 23, 2007Y

Clues

Clues

Rite now in my mind:

1) What to wear on the finals night for The L'Oreal competition?
2) What to say when onstage?
3) What to chant when I am about to pee myself?
4) What colour of plastic bag to bring in case I puke onstage?

Four very SMALL questions.

Regardless, I will try my best to stand STILL and talk NORMAL and BLINK and not FAINT.
Easy jobs? You do la then! In fact I am not calm at all! If I can I would run into the arms of Teru and make him pass me some of his stage charm and then run again into the arms of Peter Petrelli so he can make me invisible and fly with me to Mount Everest. And this is not irrelevant! Cos i really want it.....*drool*...

Sure I hope to gain rave reviews for that nite. And I do hope to win. Seriously! It is like proving something to yourself and the fact that my parents and everyone around me are kinda proud of me is not a bad thing either~ And when I say all the people around me, I MEAN IT. How did this happen despite the low profiel approach?

Well, I told my Aunt in Tawau about it. Now you see, this aunt of mine is the Tawau 8-gua Queen, so within mintues it reached my little hometown Sandakan. My mum first naturally. And then it reached all my yi ma gu zhe in Sandakan. Fast? Now u see, there is this gene that runs in my family originating from my maternal grandma. And that makes my mum the Sandakan 8-gua Queen. But i doubt this title will reach me as my other sibling is a real natural at this. I shall remain the cool sophisticated one then.

Within minutes, relatives from KK, Aussie and KL were informed. While the last headquarter is in Melbourne, this newly established Aussie headquarter is in Brisbane. And to have chatterbox frens is a blessing, cos they TALK. Till they CONVINCE. And they DUN STOP. Proud of u all, muax.

But what am i planning or have done so far? Here are some clues and I BET u can guess!

Black nails (with no chipping, so of cos it is not me) and a compact mirror with a peace sign.

Another set of black nails, without chipping again, with more black on the dorsal side of the hand. And a mysterious white object.

A mysterious symbol on a strong looking hand.

A simple hairclip with an eye that seems to be smiling.

The most obvious clue: The necessity of toilet roll as shown here, being grabbed tightly by a mysterious hand.

Can u guess now? Obvious rite? I told u so!

If u cant guess, then no choice. U have to make it to the even itself! And see with ur own eyes. I wish all my frens could come, but then again nothing's perfect! So, sms wishes from everyone. And for those who can come, call me baby~

indulged at 3:01 AM

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Thursday, October 18, 2007Y

Tears we missed

Tears we missed

Looking at all the things I have at this moment in my life. I can't help feeling thankful. And in this age and time, a little guilty. Truth is, I do know there are so many excess unnecessecities in my life. And I can't totally deny enjoying such luxuries in life or be occasionally tempted by materials of all kinds. In fact, on a selfish note, I cannot really imagine what life would be like if I had not been born to such a nice family.

As a grew, I realized how thankful I should be.

To be considering of what postgraduate to take. To be bothered by the endless reports. To have a laptop challenging my intellect. To be able to converse in all sorts of languages, albeit with only half a bucket of water. To have a mum who nags. A sister who annoys. A dad who radiates the aura of protectiveness. Be laughed at for being killed by a sidekick video game villain. To complain of crappy food in the cafeteria. To know that things will be alrite at the end of everyday once I return home.

Being quite an emotional baby, I get teary real easily. Just take the dinner outing just now. A mere 45 minutes. Within such a short time frame, where one could easily spend eating potato chips whilte cursing that evil jerk on the latest TVB drama, I believe I crossed path with many individuals with a story seeped with pain and sadness.

An old lady with a head of white hair held back with a black hairband wandering around with nothing but a handful of crumpled RM 1 notes and some coins which seemed a bit too heavy for her tired hands. Her eyes were not sad, but empty. And I believe she is trying her hardest to live on.

A small boy running around in slippers, fetching soup wantan from one table to another. While he clearly informs the customer of the sum of money, I wonder if he knew what money is for? At that age, it probably became a responsibility or routine to help his parents. Responsibility - something even some of us had yet come to terms with.

A fat boy of age around 10, crouching at a corner near his parents little stall, washing dishes which really piled up into a mountain. Scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing. It was a bit heartbreaking to see him cornered into such a small spot, all sweaty and tired looking.

Within such limited space and time, I noticed this much going on around me. And though I pity, feel heartbroken and talks about all this here rite now, I wonder what sort of help have I actually given to help people? Or have I even tried to help?

What could a few convenient dollars for the easily available donation boxes or charity activities mean? Just money spared to ease my own guilt or to make-believe that I am contributing? In the end, it is all about my ownself?

As life gets busier and more advanced, people began struggling and in the midst of all the fight for survival, I guess it is easy to lose sight of what is really important in life and to focus on our own selfish little dreams. Sure, it is not wrong to chase our own dreams, get the life we want, enjoy it to the fullest. But along the way, couldnt we have shared some and gave some?

I could live with a life full of gadgets and exquisite buffets, but should this be the goal to our lives? If such materialistic things should direct or motivate our life, I wonder where the meaning of life is?

It is not really all that hard or troublesome to help. It is a blessing to be able to help.
The world is getting sicker, we should start thinking.
And of cos, turn those thoughts into action.

indulged at 11:34 PM

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Wednesday, October 17, 2007Y

lab lab lab

Lab lab lab

Being a Biotechnology student, I have been wrapped up in lab work and report writing for the whole of my three years in Monash. Countless weekends spent looking for journal articles, haunting of the library, clarification or *ahem* amendments in results, stupid referencing mistakes and escaping the rat dissection session. Ah, I can say finally that, those are really GOOD times.

Okay, I despised report writing in such a real manner that I fooled u all. Haha, ok I really hated report writing. But this proves that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Cos I just completed my very last report for my degree. . . . I have a feeling SiewChin might add something like, 'You sure you wont fail?' here but, oh well. And I had to rapidly finish up this report as the process of separation and the goodbyes were just too painful to endure~

As a tribute to the days in the lab, I decided to show some really COOL stuff we actually do or use in labs! And refrain from using the word nerdy, as long as u r in this page. . . .

This is a machine used for centrifugation! Although I have had countless encounters with this beauty, it still amazes me. The startup sound it makes as it preps its engine to fulfill its duty. IT is like watching F1. And I actually know how to operate it!

This is something new I saw this semester! Despite the bulkiness and lack of shape, it is filled with water and all sorts of entrapments here and there which even confuses a genius. Cos even i got confused. Get the hint? Hoho. This actually enables the separation of proteins~ Can u imagine how small a protein is? IT is as SMALL as . . . . THIS!

These small and cute things are called cuvettes! Love the name. One of the things we commonly handle and use to measure the colour intensity of solutions~ giving out an ABSORBANCE reading. Now don't ABSORBANCE and COLOUR INTENSITY sound totally irrelevant to each other? That is wat we call COOL. For us, nerdi-ly cool ppl!

My biggest pride for the semester. Dun even call it disgusting! IT is beautiful. One of the wonders science brings. This is actually a mass of cells of uncontrollable growth called callus. And guess what, they are from plants! From this cells, we can actually regenerate whole plants. Now if this still doesn't amaze u, let me tell u this. . . . . My experiment was the only one so severely affected by fungi contamination that I couldnt even get to say goodbye to it. Why?

Cos it was chucked away.

Pipettes! Pipettes to us are like green tea ice cream to WenJi. Or maybe, Taro bubble tea. Or chocolates. Or laksa. Actually any food will apply i think. Do u notice the reduction in size for pipetttes? Well the size is getting smaller and it is not a trend thing u see in mobile phones, where the smaller it is the better it is considered to be. Just one word: I am getting more pro. Wait, ok 5 words. . . . ok, i meant: WE are getting more pro. Erm, 5 words.

This is my favourite part! Notice the huge change in size? Now can u guess why it is so? Yes, my clever babies. Now chant with me: WE ARE GETTING MORE PRO!

. . . . by the way, I squeezed and spoilt the one on the right.

And lastly, how can i forget the HONOURS shot we got with Dr Robin? See the smug look we are gonna display IF we were to really find any BREAKING SCIENTIFIC FACTS! With the smug look there ady, the rest shall be left for your own imagination . . . .only.

It is kinda sad to be leaving lab behind. After all the fun and blurness experienced there! But it really taught me alot and now, I am a bit berat hati of it.

Shall remain optimistic and be less emotional~

indulged at 2:26 AM

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Friday, October 12, 2007Y

Graduation melancholy

Graduation melancholy

Today might be very last of my ofiicial uni days. Being an undergraduate Biotechnology student. Being haunted by reports. Looking forward to mid-semester breaks. Being drowned by textbook pages. Suffocated by exam pressure. Fighting NAP-ster in lectures. Complaining about the road crossings to uni very morning. Scavenging for a decent lunch in the cafeteria.

But after all that I am actually missing this portion of my life already.

Although there had been countless unhappy moments and what I condemned as suffering, during these 3 years, but I definitely did not, do not and will not ever regret this part of my life. And to suddenly really realize that this journey is ending or that another chapter is gonna be written soon in my story, I feel excited but at the same time some kinda emptiness.

Contradicting but true. This emptiness of unknown reasons. What is the cause? Not being able to hang out everyday with friends? Not having a direction GIVEN to me? To have to garner a new sense of affiliation?

But in truth, none of this is true. I think I am just scared and a bit overwhelmed by all the uncertainties the future has to offer and the power I have in my hands to decide. Along with this, all kinda adult terms such as consequences, responsibility, competence and pride. But when conjured up in what I still perceive as a kid in me, it becomes insecurity.

I live in the circumstances without any inconvenience,
But somehow I'm not satisfied,
There is such a night.

The time has come to throw a die,
As I linger at the crossroads in my life,
There are some people who seek many dreams,
We dreamt together, by the sweat of our brow,
Without affording to even look back,
At the runnning boy, shouting his joy,
I still have the embers of worn-out youth smoldering in my heart,
"It's still a long way before the dawn"

"I haven't had enough wisdom to live",
Somebody grumbles so suddenly,
But it's common to all of us,
When I threw away some feelings,
For the sake of a modest pleasure,
I couldn't say "Hold on to your dream",
Without me realizing it.

Why does the world worry all the way?

The time has come to throw a die,
As I linger at a crossroads in my life,
Those who have supported me for what I am,
Can you hear this song?
In the every days that I prayed, "Live more toughly,"
The sky in those days we can't go back to,
Encourage me, saying so.

Whenever am I touched by someone's kindness,
Somehow I remember,
"The time I began to walk on my own for the first time." --------------- Pure Soul, Glay

I believe things will turn out well in the end. I have all I need and should be thankful.

indulged at 12:15 PM

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007Y

'Try' Life

'Try' Life

Out of a sudden, a lot of twists and surprises had entered my life. Well, I have been well known for being a mouse at these things. And then I got promoted to being chicken at these things. And rite now, I dare say that I am 25% on my way towards the 'duck' rank. Dun get this? That means u have not been reading! Dai sei.

Which I think is a great thing for this is one of the hurdles I always encounter in life. Being scared of everything scary and not-scary alike.

Now I really admire performers. To have the passion to do something and being stared in the eye by the art critic in everyone. This is true isnt it? After all, art is so subjective and to have the confidence to showcase ur perspective, or uniqueness among the sea of different artistic views. Or to approach this uncertainty with such immense belief, faith, passion, dedication and determination.

Frankly I have yet to lose the doubts and fear inside of me. In fact, I still blush like a school girl whenever people ask about this competition. In a sense, I am a bit happy and glad I gave it a try. But at times, this total new direction is a bit suffocating and erm, scary? But, fear is to be surpassed rite? And I am having fun!

And what better way to find out how much actually your friend support u. Let me show u all some new additions into *ahem* (I insist) MY FAN CLUB.

From Eric (Treasurer - allocate funds for my 3 buffets this month)
Wanna help someone realise her dream? Then vote for Loretta! http://www.purezone.com.my/vote11_Loretta.htm

From Elaine (Loudspeaker - as in just be herself)
Vote my dearest friend LORETTA MUST~~~Make her dream comes true ^ ^

From Choo (Publicity Officer 2 - Cos of one lucky number = 8)
aestron... ANYONE! PLS vote for LORETTA --> http://www.purezone.com.my/vote11_Loretta.htm

From Jing (Secret Agent #4)
Vulnerability,wisdom,strength have inspired me to be the best i can be..."Loretta,we support you "

So now u see, friends are really great. To be taken advantage of. Nyahaha. Of cos it must be cos I am sweet, warm, cute, pretty, charming *phew* as well. Saying all those in one breathe is real hard. But when it comprises of ur personality, what can u do? Rite? So it is nice to know that they are doing the publicity for u, cos they know u are too chicken to do it urself. Friends. .

Now let us not forget an UNMOVABLE object in this Fan Club: MY SIS. Why unmovable? That is just a metaphor. . . . . . or is it?

From blog of Lowena (Central Loudspeaker - . . . go figure)
"speaking of which, have you voted for milo yet? she's one of the 12 finalists of l'oreal's cash your dreams so do vote for my milo okay?"

In which Milo meant me. So to her, me and Milo are like one entity? Oh, such a lovely phrase~
(And i can now use the same colour for our names. . .aww~~)

But then the funniest part is this:

WanRu-crazy week ahead... says:
i ask my friend in aus to vote for u. i said vote for my friend, loretta.
he go n vote for bernie cos he tot loretta = loreal! i mentioned 3 times loretta!!
then he still tot it's loreal cos loretta n loreal so similar!

WanRu is my the Personal Assistant of mine in the very important Food Department.

See? Maybe this is fate. I never knew my name sounded similar to L'Oreal. Although I knew my face looks a bit like its spokesperson like Michelle Reis. . . .remember? Hohoho. And i am not joking. Hoho. Really no. Ok, no more 'hoho'-ing to show my seriousness in this matter.

But I couldnt thank everyone of u enough. Lately I have been getting emotional. After all, I just had wat might be the last ever lab experience in my life last Monday. And my last ever wet la report is gonna be due soon. And what about the cute antics of Dr Robin?

Why do we love Dr Robin? Or at least to me. Cos, I have never seen anyone with so much passion in what he does. Quoting Emma here, "I should have written 'Dr. Robin rocks!' in the unit evaluation form!"

To which Jennifer replied in a classic Dr. Robin imitation:
"Uuu, I rock~ Rock is good, is it?"

indulged at 8:19 PM

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Monday, October 08, 2007Y

Extremely touched.

Extremely Touched

One doesn't know how blessed one is until something happens. And for this time, it is in the form of this L'Oreal competition~

For one, the shy nature of me (yes, shy) has prohibited me from going all out to promote myself, asking every single person to vote for me! Airing the voting site on national TV. All the while I merely hinted. Seriously. But of cos I let some of the active ones know like the one very loyal supporter fan of mine, Miss WenJi.

Then suddenly, despite all these insecurities of mine, so many people are actually warming up to me. Showing me their support. Okay, I might have been quite 38 usually but I came to realize that, maybe you guys actually LOVE me for it! Should i improve on this?

Let me give some credits to some of my fans here.

First of all, there is Miss WenJi, who is forever supportive of me. Maybe it is my beauty, maybe it is my fit body. For some reasons, WenJi just loves me. I bet I had her all charmed last year with my records of McD sundaes, extremely good 'detangling' skills and rapid Hokkien learning. In fact, she gave me a call before the auditions and as usual she laughed at her own jokes more than talking to me. And in between getting into the finals and waiting for the voting to begin, I must have received countless sms-es from her. Great!!

And look at my own nickname, I am too chicken to put BANNERS asking people to vote for me. Sigh, how bad rite? But let me tell u all something! I actually have a Fan Club (well, the people din give the club a name, so I had no choice but to call it my FAN CLUB) rite now~ And WenJi here is the secretary?

And of course there is the president of my fan club (Uncle Tan) and the other enthusiastic fan Shirley of mine who is yet to be given a credible position. For your information, I currently have quite a ciplak Marketing Club based in Aussie, or more specifically Clayton (not kampung ok?). These group of people are actually working independently. The setting up, operation etc, were totally out of my knowledge. Despite all these privileges I seem to garner from them, it is definitely not so for I still get bashed mercilessly within my own Fan Club. I love saying this. My Fan Club, nyahaha.

And the most touching moment? When I saw this. Not cos I give special attention to Amy. Not cos I favor her over the others. Not cos she is the cutest of us all. I repeat, not cos she is the cutest of us all. But it is cos, for the first time - she spelt my name correctly. CORRECTLY. I could feel warm tears filling my eyes when I saw this. And the international feel this Fan Club is going, oooo~ Thai language promo by headquarters based in Aussie for a Malaysian. I must involve Choo and make it Uk-fied. Then I'll need to have Milo to be in charge of the US while dear Teru can focus on Japan. But both of them are busy lately, with Ashes promo coming up for Teru and Heroes 2 going on for Milo. So I better not disturb them.

Did I forget anyone? Hm, of cos. How can I forget the one who called me a duck in a way that I could not be angry. Although, your constant Peter/Petrelli/Milo MSN battling with me (like shown here) is still ongoing. Frankly u were one of the ones who made me really go for the audition and everything. Somehow, ur air of lameness in the way u convey ur point of view in things make me more relaxed! And I still remember that u want my autograph, despite it probably being a lame statement, which is mentioned once, very briefly and carelessly, in a very short sms. Can't wait to see u in Thai!

And then there is this very low-techinical-skill involved voting link my sis created for me in her blog. And her so-called attempt to promote my image i think? Or else, why would picture such as those, out of all the millions of BEAUTIFUL pictures of mine get posted on her blog. But, okay, I shall be a bigger person and just be angry for 137 days.

However, there are a few very important players in this Club now. I have officially recruited Mr Tshun (notice this AhTshun colour I used for u? haha) and Miss SeeYeng into the technical department. Over a very heavy meal of Sushi. Which was paid for by Tshun. Very nice guy? Read on before u decide:

Me: Eh, I better pay u back for the meal!
Tshun: No need la. I'll pay this time.
Me: Nah, I dun wanna owe u anything! It is not that nice.
Tshun: Aiya, u already owe me so much, does this make a difference?
Me: Yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Any other ppl in this club? Well, secret!

indulged at 12:27 AM

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Saturday, October 06, 2007Y

Energy in me

Energy in me

Hm despite all the hype jus now at dinner, suddenly I am feeling all drained of energy. It is weird as I have now such mixed emotions. Relieved - for passing up most of my reports. Peaceful - for finally being able to stop and breath. Empty - for unknown reasons. Lost - in what to do.

Maybe it is because of the intense report marathon which finally reached its half-time today. Handing in 4 items a day is really quite a fulfilling achievement. Then you feel a bit proud of yourself. And you allow yourself some time of R&R. And you laugh, eat and just throw ur mind off everything in that marathon. Then, it ends and you are back at the starting line. Prompting yourself ready to race again.

Somehow, something which seemed to have no end to it, is really almost ending for good. Graduation, the destination is so near now. And you grin while wondering, what now?

Truth be told, studying is one of the major part in most of our lives. Subconsciously, a lot of us had been doing this all my life. And in a sense, it gave us direction in life. Now that, we reached the end of the road, suddenly the amount of crossroads overwhelmed us. No milestones given, but landmarks to create. No signboards prepared, but our own map to draw. No traffic lights to direct, but to be our own traffic officer. No roads to follow, but our own journey to record.

Suddenly being thrust into a space so vast, we tend to become lost.
Fear and insecurities easily drain us of our energy. Exactly how i am now, zombie-fied.
Tired from all the workloads and pressure.
Longing to escape to somewhere. Anywhere.

But, what will I harness out of life that way? By feeling tired all the time.

It is not hard to perk yourself up, motivate yourself and see life in a better perspective! Afterall, there won't be sunshine in your life if u chose keep the blinds closed.
Smile at yourself in the mirror. Do a bit of monologue. chant 'Yatta!'. Just smile. Smile. Smile.

Regain the energy and strength within u. Channel the energy towards looking for the 'fun' in everything you do. Be it, assignments, room tidying, or just anything. I really think that smiling by urself, helps a lot! In fact I am feeling so much better now.

And I am starting to see the fun in analysing the effect of salinity on protein concentration in tobacco plants! And what does proline actually do? And organogenesis, is really kinda miraculous.

indulged at 1:07 AM

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Thursday, October 04, 2007Y

Monash Ball 2007: Funny shots

Monash Ball 2007: Funny Shots

Regardless of how formal the event is there are bound to be some *ahem* joy-spreading candid shots that is never some sort of embarassment! But a special something that will always bring laughter to a friend no matter how time passes by. And how much u wish it was the otherwise.

My first PA ChewBee must be very proud of this pic. For the first time, she is actually looking towering tall!! And it looks so real. The trick? Focus your camera from an angle of almost 90 degress from beneath u.

We all agreed that WanRu acted cool in all the pics. But why is she smiling so broadly here? Well, cos finally someone is focusing at the 'essence' of her dress.

Among all the pretty LADIES here, Elaine is finally showing her true colours. Despite the petite and cute appearance, this walking Loudspeaker actually pulled such a rude hand gesture! Gosh. And the danger i was in at that time with her other hand over me.

Behind every photo there is a story. But it becomes pretty apparent when the photographer is a totally unskilled one. I forgot who took this, but u better be careful for retaining it.

While Emma is all 'Cuti-Cuti Malaysia' -like with the soup, Miss KangNing is purely 100% EATING. Like a pizza absorbs cheese. Ooh lala.

Goes to see balls are not always that glamorous. So what if there is a camera and KaeXin's all smiling and ready? Nothing will stand in the way of WanRu and her goodie bag. And Elaine shall continue being a chipmunk. A cute one.

Here comes the cute Chipmunk and the *wah!* not-so-cute Boar.

I told u guys over and over again. KangNing is a serial bully. And only 95.6% of u all believed me. Look for yourself now.

With the smoke and all. We, that means me and Elaine, really tried to deny that we were literally smoking hot....until...

I was asked to be the photographer and still the smoke remained there. I wonder why?

I wonder what kinda person I usually am. To deserve such photos taken secretly and publicized and laughed at by all the ones I love. Glamour cannot bring itchiness is it? Itchy cannot scratch is it? Scratching is not glamourous is it? . . . . . . . . . . So wat. ChewBee, u be careful there.

. . . . . . . . . Chew Bee, I am gonna gobble up your cake on your birthday. And if you guys are wondering, this is just a scientific method to dissecting the food on your plate. I won't blame u if u dunno for the journal article is just accepted. Maybe u can consults Dr Robin about it then.

Balls are always full of surprises and fun as well. But mostly the fun is brought by the people with u there. I truly believe that it is important to maintain a mindset for fun in whatever u do and whenever it is. For life is to be enjoyed.

indulged at 12:14 AM

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Wednesday, October 03, 2007Y

Monash Ball 2007: UpClose Section

Monash Ball 2007: UpClose Section

Before going into the main topic, I have the greatest news in the whole of my history to announce. Finally, the day has come where. My abs. HURTS.

Not due to food poisoning, wrestling or overeating.

But EFFECTIVE Abs Exercise.

As I pushed open the heavy door to the toilets in the library, my abs quipped a bit. And my emotions rushed inside of me. I threw myself at Emma to give the good news and this proceeded to make the entire of my day!

Okay, now back to the main topic. Oh wait, there is another thing,..

how sad is it to turn down an invitation to a movie screening?
Hm, how about as sad as my life can be? Well, not my life as in always. But as in when u have 3 unfinished reports and a hideous herbarium to pass up on friday and another 2 more reports for monday. Please tell me how sad this is. I cant even put in words.

Back to the topic! Here are some candid shots, erm or vanity shots of me and some vain friends. Okay, Vain Me and some Vain Friends.

This is Me and ChewBee halfway during the ball itself. It was hard to catch the lighting as the lights were going techno. But beauty creates miracle and tada! Beauty as in ChewBee la of cos. One cant be calling oneself a beauty rite? **Rolls eyes**

This is Amanda, Me and KangNing. Dun be deceived by this tempting photo cos I am wearing a tube top. I hope I said that in time to rescue a few thousand nose bleeds. And dun be fooled by KangNing as her face is really big. This was taken about 25 cm behind me. Serious....

This is Elaine and Me. As always she is hugging me. I somehow feel that she's got this Hugging-ME condition. For a lot of the pics, she is hugging me. Evidences are coming soon....

This is KaeXin and Me. This photo should be called UNFAIR. Cos we made a pact to pull faces. But look wat happened. She is pretty. And I am pretty with my tongue stupidly out.

Hm, actually wanted to make this post really interesting with a section called Funny Discoveries. But remember that my life is currently quite sad? So that is y. But stay tuned. Especially SiewChin, who cant get enough of me.

indulged at 12:46 AM

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Tuesday, October 02, 2007Y

Monash bAll 2007: Glamour Section

Monash Ball 2007: Glamour Section

I know all of u have been waiting. Especially SiewChin, who must be skipping around Brunei rite now.

Finally I have gotten in my hands most of the pics during the BIG nite itself. How big? As big as my arms in one of the pics in ChewBee's camera which is OF COS not gonna appear here. I dun like contaminations.

And what better way to kick off the photo frenzy with the Glamour Bits of the Ball! I hope u get the hint that there will be a series of posts regarding this. And they are not all glamorous. I assure u. There are so much behind-the-scenes work to looking gorgeous and gals are such poor things to have to endure it all.

Hm, this could have been titled as 'Tutorial to being a good boyfriend'. (No hints to anyone by the surname Tan).

ChewBee and Elaine at the make up parlour. Vain looks are like ChewBee's. Attempting to be cute looks are like Elaine's. Hohoho.
These are some pre-ball pictures. Kinda like warm-up exercise before a 56600-km marathon run. After all u need loosening up to arch those backs, enhance those features. It is never easy. I bet Amanda have been warming up for at least 3 hours all the way from home. For me, I am a humble pie. A cute pie. No, hot pie! **All the choices of adjective, tsk tsk....**

This is glamour at its best. I personally refer to this duo as 'The Red-ilicious Lips Sisters'. Okay, I am gonna make Emma my second Personal Assistant and WanRu my Manager. My entourage just got larger. Haih, fame.

Contrary to belief, I do look glamorous at times. *Silence* Did this picture not convince u? This cannot be! But notice my first PA ChewBee behind me looking intently while my Stalker Fan KangNing begged for a picture with me? And this is a pure dimple-showing-off picture. Ceh. I dun have meh? ....... Ya, i dun have, so? >:P

If the last picture failed to convince you of KangNing being my Stalker Fan, see this. She is even copying my pose. Luckily I closed my mouth in time to make my grin into a smile! Now, we are different, phew.

The whole Biotechnology gang of leggy beauties. This pic is not doing us justice as our legs actually go on for another mile. But notice me on the phone? Haih, popularity. Actually, it was a call from Uncle Tan and I think we were in the middle of talking about Kevin's dreadlocks. If the camera had snapped 2 seconds before this, u could see my look of shock with the mouth of diameter 15 cm. Or maybe 14 la.

Another group picture with the Symbol of Monash! And I demand everyone to look at me in this picture. Why? Cos if i dun, u might miss me. And i strained my back to take this pic. Or, Because I'm Worth It, like Michelle Reis said.

Why does everyone love hugging me? And regardless of how hard it is, please everyone resist from calling me sexy. I have heard enough of that. **Or cos it will sound too sarcastic, especially from Steve and Choo. Do not, i warn u two pranksters.**

And for the last picture of the Glamorous Section, it is ME of course. And if you still are going to ask why I put my own pic as the last, after the whole post discussing about this issue a few days ago, let me tell u once again. Cos, like Peter Petrelli in Heroes, the celeb of all celebs always appera last! Okay, wat is that chuckle for? And that frown? And that rolling of eyes? Fine. Dun fren u all.

************************************************************************************

As for special things happening today, I am really happy for the plans I made for the L'Oreal competition, is actually shaping up. And of course, it is definitely impossible without the help of a few very very good frens. Not to mention gorgeous. Curious. As u could probably guess, I wont wanna tell u anymore :P Happy?

And hopefully things will go fine! All the way!! Gotta buck up and work hard!!

indulged at 12:46 AM

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